I needn't go to Suzhou anymore.
Dunno if its a blessing in disguise after all the effort and incessant phone calls during the hols, on one hand I'm glad I can enjoy my CNY in peace, on the other, well just feel kinda lousy why I couldn't clinch that deal - it would have been the 1st deal etched by my solo efforts.
Guess I'll have to work triply hard for the Osaka deal....especially now that Tokyo is inked..means more pressure, though I was never optimistic about our prospects for Osaka.
As another colleague leaves, I wonder what can lie ahead/beyond 20 Kallang Ave ?
Plently it seems? For the people who left seemed to be doing well....I wonder the day I have to break news to boss, will it be exhilaration? sadness? apprehension? euphoria?
There's this strange feeling/thing gnawing and growing in me, something I cant quite put a finger to...its distressing and making me feel despair in overdrive, like....menopause. If this is what menopause feels like, I shudder to think how tiresome life can be in 30 years time. Argh.
And this pain stems from 20 Kallang Ave, making me feel smaller, inconspicous, innate, irritable, whatever. I know I end up saying/doing things I shouldnt, the thought process always bypass the brain section and leapt out of my mouth before I knew it.
But I don't think Im sorry.
One of those few things I learnt (and remembered) in 1st year poly, there's this illustration (that tickled me no end) of an unsheared sheep jumping and crying out loud to its dull-witted comrades in the queue (who were already sheared)
"STOP! We DON'T have to conform, you know?!!!"
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
~ Papercut by Linkin Park
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